ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Wil je gewoon iets kwijt ? Zeg het dan hier.
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ko de fries
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Lid geworden op: zo jun 17, 2007 21:57 pm
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Re: ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Bericht door ko de fries » za mei 02, 2015 13:20 pm

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “ME.!!:)

Why Parents Drink: :mrgreen:
If it ain,t broken,don,t try to fix it

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mobiel70
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Re: ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Bericht door mobiel70 » zo mei 03, 2015 21:58 pm

In een Engelse lampenwinkel:

client: Do you have four watt to volt bulbs?
shopkeeper: To what?
client: No
shopkeeper: four watt?
client: Yes
shopkeeper: No.

;)
hartelijke groet!
Johan.


Wie in een kringetje rondloopt, komt niet vooruit.
http://www.vw-mplate.com/mplate-14115.htm; http://beereboot.blogspot.nl/

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ko de fries
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Berichten: 5329
Lid geworden op: zo jun 17, 2007 21:57 pm
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Re: ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Bericht door ko de fries » do mei 07, 2015 15:21 pm

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. What are we going to do for Christmas?” :mrgreen:
If it ain,t broken,don,t try to fix it

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mobiel70
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Berichten: 3401
Lid geworden op: zo dec 30, 2012 12:57 pm
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Re: ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Bericht door mobiel70 » za mei 09, 2015 23:50 pm

In de rechtszaal:
Vraag (V): dokter, hoeveel autopsies heeft u uitgevoerd op dode mensen?
Antwoord (A): Al mijn autopsies worden uitgevoerd op dode mensen.
V: Kunt u zich de tijd herinneren dat u het lichaam heeft onderzocht?
A: De autopsie begon rond half negen 's ochtends.
V: En was het slachtoffer op dat moment door?
A: Neen, hij zat op de tafel en vroeg zich af waarom ik een autopsie deed.

Er worden wel meer rare gesprekken in zo'n rechtszaal gevoerd:

V: Die mastenia gravis, heeft dat effect op je geheugen?
A: Ja.
V: En op qelke manier beïnvloedt dat dan je geheugen?
A: Dat ben ik vergeten.
V: Dat bent u vergeten. Kunt u ons een voorbeeld geven van iets dat u bent vergeten?

Rechters zijn soms niet helemaal bij de les:
V: Uw jongste zoon, die van twintig jaar, hoe oud is die?

V: Was u er bij toen uw foto werd genomen? :mrgreen:
hartelijke groet!
Johan.


Wie in een kringetje rondloopt, komt niet vooruit.
http://www.vw-mplate.com/mplate-14115.htm; http://beereboot.blogspot.nl/

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ko de fries
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Berichten: 5329
Lid geworden op: zo jun 17, 2007 21:57 pm
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Re: ff lache ,plaats hier je moppen

Bericht door ko de fries » di mei 12, 2015 16:42 pm

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he
pointed out the location.
The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it
to the rancher. “See this f***ing badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want… On any land! No questions asked, no answers
given! Do you understand old man?!”
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later, the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up
and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and
yelled at the top of his lungs…..
“YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR F***ING BADGE!” :mrgreen:
If it ain,t broken,don,t try to fix it

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